this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
