the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
