someone threw a dead crab at me
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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