quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
did you just send me my own nude
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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