ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
