no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
