you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
