Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
