i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
