I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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