Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
