So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
sex in a hospital.. check
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
