I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
