I am in a vortex of obligation.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
