yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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