I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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