Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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