I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
