I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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