I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
