You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
