He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
