You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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