make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
