I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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