it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
