just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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