I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize