Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
