U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
false alarm, still single
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
