you guys were way drunker than both of me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
