So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
