Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
