I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
