Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
