they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
