I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
