fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Randomize
