The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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