Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
