She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
