Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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