She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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