alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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