It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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