you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
