So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
