I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
