THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
