Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my sisters under your porch take her home
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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