Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
