Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
