I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
