he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
