Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
