Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it's not cheating when I paid for it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
