so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As shirtless as possible
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
