We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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