This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
