Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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