Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
