i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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