i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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