i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
