she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
