Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
