I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
