dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh god the rape fog is back!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
