How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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