I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
