idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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