I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
