I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
