Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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