some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
