It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
NoShamevember. You game?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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