Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
