She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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