I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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