What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
