Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
